Sonja Thomas: Dreams, Nightmares, and Magic

Essay by Sonja Thomas: Dreams, Nightmares, and Magic
 
Dreams
What do you want to be when you grow up? My answer was never the same. A backup singer like Wendy and Lisa in Prince’s the Revolution. A cartoonist for The Simpsons. A writer like Judy Blume. A dancer, a photographer, a Broadway actor . . .
 
The main character in my new book, OLIVE BLACKWOOD TAKES ACTION!, dreams of directing award-winning movies, just like her dad did before he passed. Eager to apply to an elite summer film camp, Olive’s excited when her film teacher promises a personal recommendation to the winner of the class project.
 
Nightmares
In college, I was too afraid to pursue anything creative. So, I became an accountant instead. Eventually, I rediscovered my love of writing. But I was tormented with depression and anxiety. I wrote. I was rejected. I cried. A lot. After a decade, I sold a short story. Then several more. And soon my first novel. What if no one reads it? If they do, I’m sure they’ll hate it. My fear ballooned.  
 
Unlike her dad, Olive’s anxiety has her avoiding the spotlight. Staying behind the camera is much easier than having to interact with people. Speaking in front of an audience makes it hard to breathe. She’s plagued with catastrophic thoughts, nausea, sweating while shivering, and diarrhea attacks. Sometimes the fear’s so crippling, she stays in bed. Or it knocks her out with a panic attack. Olive and I share all these anxiety symptoms.
 
Magic
Olive and her best friend Kayla started their Book of Enchantment in the third grade and filled it with spells. They do their best to follow the rules of magic. Like life, magic is a mirror of what you believe. It’s stronger when done together and the possibilities are infinite. Magic is a verb. It only happens when you take action, unfolding in its own time and way.
 
Olive and I live with anxiety, but it doesn’t define who we are. Family and friends make us stronger, reminding us that we’re never alone. That strength helps move us toward our dreams, one step at a time. We can’t control other people’s actions or the stuff that life throws at us. So, we try not to take it personally. Instead, we create boundaries, trust our gut, and open to all the possibilities.
 
Magic is make believe. Our belief in ourselves is the most powerful magic there is.

A silly introvert ruled by coffee and cats, Sonja Thomas (she/her) writes stories for kids of all ages. Her debut middle grade novel, SIR FIG NEWTON AND THE SCIENCE OF PERSISTENCE, is an Oregon Book Award finalist, an Oregon Spirit Book Award Honor recipient, and a Washington State Book Award finalist. She’s also a contributing author for GOOD NIGHT STORIES FOR REBEL GIRLS: 100 REAL-LIFE TALES OF BLACK GIRL MAGIC. Her second novel OLIVE BLACKWOOD TAKES ACTION! received “Two thumbs up for this necessary novel about anxiety and self-advocacy” from Kirkus Reviews. www.bysonjathomas.com
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